The Truth Will Set You Free, But First, It’ll Piss You Off

The truth about a situation, not to mention the amount of effort it takes to finally comprehend what is actually going on; can leave us half exhausted, and half rejuvenated. Sometimes truths can be small, and evident- but the part that pisses us off is the revealing realness about the way we are present; rather than who we aspire to be. Lets’ examine the truth in one in-depth scenario, that’s right: Work. A quick definition of work: A different experience for each person, depending on the profession- work can be of a remote or stationary place where everyday tasks and responsibilities are expected for a compensation of wage. The more experience, and confidence you have to carry out a role- the farther your career will go. Work is also a place of finding community, creating yourself, and just about anything you’d like it to be, aside from limitation; that every aspect of life will present in some shape or form. Now let’s talk: Work: “Today while I was at work, we had an event that really exhausted me. Because I needed to connect with my coworkers all day long mentally, physically, and emotionally- it was totally outside of my actual way of being (especially being the newest person on the team, 2 months on the job) towards the end of the day, I found myself not able to communicate my thoughts as directly as I wished. Too lazy to adjust myself in my seat, taking shallow breaths, and overwhelmingly falling into a pit of unawareness. The consequences of being passively aggressive aware of my struggle was a lack of enthusiasm about this wonderful day of team building, and being amped about work the next day, but realistically the empowerment I feel to do my job. The truth is I felt a beat off, like every now and then I stop dancing to the beat of my own drum, and pick up the beat of my work team. What pisses me off is I can’t seem to find the beat of my own drum, while listening to someone else’s… “I mean that figuratively” I’m pissed off because I don’t have a solution for myself.

There is a fine line between judging yourself, and being self-aware. Just as there is a fine line between intuition and paranoia (said my friend Francis).  “Judgment, exists in paranoia, just as self-awareness exists within intuition.” It’s during moments of reflection that we realize our needs for growth, and where we are uncomfortable. The most discouraging part for me is the truth that when being in growth moments, it feels uncomfortable.

My coworkers will never know that I exhausted myself trying to beat to the sound of their drum- and grew uncomfortable because I couldn’t find the sound of my own- while listening to theirs- while listening to their teamwork, and certainty, and repor. I am keeping up with a communication standard that I’m totally unfamiliar with.

I automatically think in that moment, that I need a solution that serves me, and also serve others. The need for a solution right now is 9/10 for another’s comfort and not your own.

The hard truth is a solution can never be established for the mere reason of, “how do I stop feeling this way, how do I get back in tune with myself, how do I stop giving off this vibe” I can say the solution is to be so confident in yourself, that nothing else matters etc. but that advice has never worked for me. In moments of loving yourself through those growing pains, and hard reflection periods- people are going to see it; but while you're serving yourself the awareness of your discontent, you can’t try to make another feel content. This the cause of your initial discontent. That solution of how do I quickly become better, become more comfortable is for the accommodation for another- “Don’t live your life trying to make others feel comfortable” says Taylor Barrow.

Affirmation: I can’t try to make myself feel comfortable, and you too. I have to trust that my truth in being comfortable will be harmonious for the both of us, and if it is not- my relationships will show proof of that.